C313

I have a huge problem with people. I simply don't like a lot of people. It feels like every other person in this world is two-faced or is saying something about someone behind their backs. I'm really not ok with it. Yes,I have done it in the past,who hasn't. But I really wish the world would have grown up along with me.

Saying that,mostly out of anger,I came across a verse this morning. Colossians 3:13 says," Bear with each other,and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

That last part haunts me as I read it. It echos in a vast pit of me that's filled with past depression,anger and resentment. I'm genuinely a nice person. I treat other as I want to be treated,though I've never once felt that in return from someone,I still don't let it change me. What I let change me,is when I bend over backwards to help people,and get treated poorly in return. I've never asked for anything in return from anyone,and I don't expect them to do anything,I just want my friendship. I feel as if I'm disposable to the human race. I know I'm not,but every situation I've gone through has pretty much printed it in black and white. My point here is,I'm suppose to forgive these people? How? How do you look at a girl who's cheated on you and say "no biggie"? How do you look at a friend who's stolen from you and say "don't worry about it bro"?

This is when I wish God could have equipped us with a Recycle Bin. To be able to right-click anf forget the trash of my past. I think no matter how many times I pray about it,I truly hold on to some form of negativity towards people in my past(and present). It's like the whole,"turn the other cheek" proverb...I only have two cheeks.

In the Bible it says we are made in God's image.That doesn't mean we are exactly like Him and able to do everything He can,but we can become Christlike. He was a man. He walked on this Earth. He was tempted by Satan numerous times...yet he conquered it. Why can't we be like that?Why can't I?

When I think about this verse,I want to call up every person in my past,whether it be an ex,a friend,family,whoever and apologize. Good luck trying to do that,most people aren't on this same page. What I've learned to do is,truly ask God for forgiveness and to mend our hearts. I know there's people I'd love to get a hold of,but I couldn't because of past circumstances. So lately if I see someone on the street,or someone pops up on Facebook,I've caught myself praying for them. That makes me feel good,because about 2 years ago,I wouldn't have held back from giving them the finger and forgetting about it.

I like how I've matured. I'm not perfect,nor anywhere near close,but I'm glad that I can stop and look back to see progression towards being Christlike. I'm learning to forgive people and forget about the past.

If God can do it,why can't we?